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Jan. 16th, 2015 @ 09:40 am Happy new year, happy old fiction
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
I've been spending most of my social media time on Tumblr lately, and through that I finally joined AO3.

Doing so has been weird, and right now I'm in a mental funk that isn't a good one. Let's see if I can break it down in a coherent way.

*I have been writing, working on original fiction that was inspired by some of the fan fiction I had written. This is no surprise to people who've read this blog or know fannish me. *crickets*
*For the most part, I gave up writing fan fiction 6 years ago, but lately I'm doing more pieces. Ideas come. I write.
*Yesterday I discovered complete swaths of fan fiction (bandom, mostly, but some smut) that I'd forgotten I'd written. There are many pieces, and some of them are even good. Plus, I see how consistent I've been with my tropes and what interests me to write about.

Pros:
*I'm a writer. I've written. I still have some mental hang-ups about what it means to be a writer. No, I am one. I've written quite a lot since I started writing fiction at age 25.
*As noted above, I'm consistent with the things I like.

Cons:
*I wonder if I'm just writing the same things over again. It is said a lot of people who write get into a rut. I won't say my whole life has been a rut because that would be too drama queen. But still... the same stuff.

*I wrote a fictionalized version of myself in a fantasy story where I met my favorite celebrity because his and my work collided. The story is good! I wonder if there's a way to file the serial numbers off it and recycle it somehow. This is a "con," though, because I kind of miss that person I was in the story and the opportunities she had.

Since it was also a bittersweet romance, I'm bothered that nothing in my actual life has changed. People love me, and I love myself. But I don't have *that* kind of relationship that I've always wanted. It's depressing.
About this Entry
Neil Finn
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From:mummakook
Date:January 17th, 2015 12:43 am (UTC)
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Funny I should stumble upon this since we were chatting about your fic. Can definitely relate to the closing paragraph, through different channels (eg. my photography being the most obvious and fairly comprehensive life journal). Yes, things have changed in the interim and yet her I am again, ostensibly still the same, just a few more scars and lessons learned :-(
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From:aikakone
Date:January 17th, 2015 12:49 am (UTC)
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Scars and lessons... what an exchange.

Yes, this is what I was telling you when we chatted (my) last night. I was trying to whine above without actually whining and being pitiful. I could do pitiful, mind you, but I was trying to show some self-control.
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From:mummakook
Date:January 17th, 2015 01:11 am (UTC)
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Oh, I totally missed any personal references in there. Granted I was multitasking away from the computer a lot, with much to process, but I really don't recall anything beyond the writing being mentioned.